Holiday

     I was really excited when I started planning my first family holiday with the twins. I somehow believed it would be picturesque like the pictures i had saw in the holiday brochures.

     As the twins approached two, my friend kindly reminded me that after the age of two, you had to pay full fare for a child seat. So i jumped straight onto the Internet and started looking for a package deal.
I found a nice holiday to Portugal, I thought as the flight wasn't too long, and it was they're first plane journey this would be perfect.

     Our flight was first thing in the morning, we had to leave at 5am. I had to wake the twins up out of they're usual routine, feed them, dress them and get them ready. The bags were packed, bottles were ready and the pushchair was in the boot. It was time to go. The minute I got to the airport everything i imagined was soon destroyed when we got to the first hurdle. Checking in.We got to the counter and i didn't realise even the pushchair had to be labelled, and because of terrorism all food and baby medicines had to be labelled and tested by, yep you've got it, me.

     As I took the bottle lid off, I nearly heaved as i took a gulp of the soya formula i was giving to my infants. For the rest of the day I felt this unbelievable guilt of what I was feeding them it was vile.
The actual plane journey was hard. As they were so young your child had to sit on your lap during take off. That's when the crying began, neither child wanted to sit with anybody else, the seat belt light came on, and the plane started to prepare for lift off.

     The twins were great, the plane lifting off did not affect them in the slightest, they were more concerned about who was getting mummy's attention.

     When we arrived in Portugal the airport staff were extremely helpful. They helped me get off the plane, and my pushchair was brought directly to me as i checked in so I could put them straight in.
Arriving at our holiday resort was the funniest of all, to my utter shame i hadn't read the description of the hotel location. I had booked us a  four star hotel that was on the hill. The holiday turned into the loss off my last few inches of baby weight.

     Overall id say the holiday was a success. It prepared the twins for the long haul flights they have now achieved to both America and Jamaica, and they have never had any problems except jet lag.
I think a good tip is to research your whole holiday as much as possible. Pushing a double pushchair was so tiring all holiday, when we were meant to be taking some time out to relax!

Terrible Two's......No terrible three's

     As the day and months go by, your children or child turns into the cliche ray of sunshine everyone has always talked about. Then something happens, they start to find their own personalities and start to decide what they want to do, and when they want to do it.

     Niel was always the shy out of my two, he was the adorable charmer that melted everyone's hearts. The minute he looked at people with his deep brown eyes, they would smoother him with hugs and kisses. Until the day i told him no to something. He went into this tantrum id never saw before. I sent him to his room as i usually did to think about his behaviour. This had always worked as he didn't like being separated from the rest of the family. Today was different. He started kicking the door shouting, screaming and crying. He wouldn't listen when i told him to calm down, he was so angry and upset. I was horrified. Part of me just wanted to let him out of his room to stop this high pitched screaming, but he just wouldn't stop. He went on till he eventually fell asleep on the floor. Though it hurt me to leave him in there, i figured that by backing down it was only going to lead to more problems. I knew giving a three year old control wasn't the route i wanted to take.
    
     I left him all night in the same spot, and to my delight in the morning he was so ashamed of the way he had behaved. I talked to him and explained that his behaviour would never be accepted by me or anyone else. By destroying or kicking things he will only hurt himself or ruin things he liked. To my surprise Niel never behaved this way again, he really felt ashamed of himself and it was a hard lesson to learn.

      I'm still waiting for Nia to rebel, possibly she wont, maybe seeing Niel's punishment put her off behaving in such a way. So that's a plus to having twins, they might put each other off behaving badly!

Nursery

     Choosing a nursery for you child is especially hard when its compulsory, instead of giving you a bit of spare time to be a lady of leisure. At the time i chose a nursery for Nia-Mae and Niel i was working for a local magazine and also studying. I had to find a nursery that had long opening hours and flexibility, along with a great educational and inspiring environment. These are some of my tips for finding the right care for your child.

     Firstly,plan the time in your child's life you would feel most comfortable leaving them in the care of someone else. Don't go back on this or feel pressured by life you will only have regrets.

     Second, start talking to parents who already have children in nursery or even school and ask questions, be nosey.

     Third, take a mental note and start writing a list of the places other parents seemed to like and then go online and do your background research. Find out whether they are ofsted registered. How long they have been open, and the ratio of carer to child.

     Fourth, call the nursery's and make appointments to go and visit with your child. Do not ever give a specific time just a day. You want to see the nursery in full flow of its every day goings on. Don't give them time to change or organise things to your liking.

     Fifth, pay attention to your child, watch reactions and ask every question relating to your child's needs. If you don't this will only lead to you worrying, and sometimes to your child not settling well.

     When you have found a suitable nursery, make regular visits to the nursery and attend all morning activities and play groups so your child begins to feel familiar with the surroundings!

A tribute to grandad

     With Christmas approaching and memories arising, i feel the need to express my deep love and affection for my dad who sadly died of cancer, and will be missed again this year. My dad was a warm loving and funny man. Even wrapped up in a mood i could never hide my smiles and laughter when he would tell me a joke or just pull a funny face.

     I remember the day he told me he was sick, we were sitting in mum and dads bedroom lying on the bed having Saturday cuddles which was a regular occurrence. He looked at me and i smiled, then he turned away and put his head down, he looked distraught. I had never saw this before. He smiled at me again the room was silent, and he said "I'm not very well," and i said i knew. He said "but i don't know if I'm going be here for much longer." I felt sick, i immediately shot up and started crying. He wiped my tears and said he was only joking, but my pounding heart knew he wasn't. He had never lied to me, so why would he now?
He was diagnosed with lung cancer, as a last chance of life he decided to fly America to receive the best possible treatment. The decision was quick and i didn't really know what to do. I just kind of hoped things were gonna be alright.

     The next few weeks before his departure i started to feel hopeless. We were soon making visits to a nursing home where i watching the best person in my life vomit green poison. He was so weak and embarrassed of me being there, he would hardly lift his head. I didn't understand, i somehow fooled myself into believing that the poison that was coming out couldn't be a bad thing.

      My auntie from America soon arrived with this look on her face, it was serious and it was confused and it never stopped. The next day we all went to the airport to say goodbye. My mum wouldn't stop touching my dads face. Although they were always affectionate and loving towards each other openly, the usuall feelings of jealousy I used to feel as a child, when my dads attention was on her disappeared. He held her hand tight as he sat in the wheelchair, i just kept praying she wouldn't let go. Just don't let go.
We went home and as strangely as it may seem, my mom just carried on as normal. She worked every hour god sent, I went to school and i came home.

      Then one evening she sat me down and said we needed to go to America now. I thought why? Though i didn't ask any questions, I saw the pain in her eyes and i just said ok. We went to America within the next couple of days. We sat right at the back of the plane as they were the last seats, we stopped off in Germany as that was the only flight available.
I didn't complain once, nor me or mum had ever travelled without my father, but for the first time we built a strength that we could both share.

     As I entered my Aunts home in New Jersey there was a smell i cant explain, there was a nurse and my aunt just held me and wouldn't let go. My mother had already walked into the living room where he was being looked after. The nurse was sitting there and then all i remember was my mom coming back and saying i had to go and say hello. I didn't want to, I didn't understand and why did the room smell this way?
I went over and my handsome father, the man i adored and looked up to was so slim, i didn't want to touch his hand. He didn't even know who I was until my mother kept saying its Leona she's here. "Leonard its Leona she's here its ok." He suddenly realised and he took this gasp and sigh of relief, he smiled and grabbed my hand,  i was so frightened. Then there and then i knew where the smell was coming from, the aftershave on my mothers dressing table was the smell I knew and cherished. It had now been taken away by this rancid and stale stench. My heart sank with the realisation my father was dying.

      The day he passed we were shopping in a supermarket in America. My aunt received a call on her mobile, she grabbed my hand and we started running. My mom didn't utter a word. We drove back and we were told to go straight to the room he was staying in. The nurse left and my mum went in, I sat on the sofa outside and she came out and said it was time to say goodbye, he was waiting for me. I walked in and he told me he loved me and I said goodbye, his eyes closed and my mother screamed. I ran away crying and he was gone. The only comfort ill ever have was he was waited for me.

     The twins asked me a question not long ago, they wondered why they hadn't ever saw my dad, and questioned why they haven't got a grandad. I told them that sometimes God takes people to heaven because he needs some more angels. That even though he's not here everyday, he watches us and keeps us safe and blessed. I told my son that he looks just like him, and every time i feel sad that my dad isn't here,  that i feel blessed to have a son and a daughter that bring me the same joy he did.

     RIP Leonard Cleveland Vernon, My father. The love I have for you will never die, it only gets stronger as every year passes, it never gets easier to accept your not here.

Coping when your childs not like the others

     Having a child that's restricted when it comes to food is difficult. Its heart wrenching and upsetting for both parent and child. My bundles of joy were born with a whole array of allergies. So when i decided to stop breastfeeding, i had to choose a suitable formula. My first attempt was a quite common baby milk called Aptimal. The twins seemed to really enjoy it. After a first feed i put them down for their usual nap, unusually they slept for a long period of time, i took this opportunity to have a sleep myself. This can't be bad, i thought.

     I woke up to an image ill never forget. The twins had an immediate allergic reaction which left them with raised bumps all over their faces. I panicked and was a crying wreck, firstly because of the guilt. "Why did i choose this milk." Then soon pulled myself together and went straight to my GP.

     The doctor advised me not to continue giving them this milk, and to try a dairy free formula. The different dairy free formulas that were offered to me, ranged from Soya milk to a milk completely made with nutrients with no dairy, Soya or goat milk content at all. I found that after weeks of sleepless nights and trying the Soya milk suited the twins the best. They soon were happy and content again and when the rash went own they were as beautiful as the day they were born!

Back and Forth

     The twins were born and i quickly realised how much hard work was actually involved. Firstly i was a petite size 8 and was very girly, often playing the weak female. I was now walking out of Good Hope hospital with a baby carrier in each hand. I had now found my strength. I got home, my family waiting with open arms.

      The night drew in and it was time for a feed. My first hurdle, the twins didn't want to feed at the same time. Many parents experience having children at different ages, on different routines. I had two babies giving me my first test in parenthood. I had to stay calm, to think of a resolution and take action. I did what i think most parents would be scared to do.

       I only fed them at allocated times everyday and night until they fell in a routine that would work for all of us. Soon after, they decided they weren't going to settle anymore. The breast milk didn't seem to be giving them enough substance. So i decided to add formula to the routine. Hurdle number two,  they were allergic to formula.

      By the morning my beautiful cocoa coloured beauties were covered in rashes. My visits to the doctors back and forth began. After months of discomfort, rashes and diarrhea. The doctor said they were dairy intolerant.

I won first place when i had my twins!

    Every young mum has that moment of doubt when finding out the news that they are pregnant. How will i tell my family? Will my partner feel the same way i do? Will they stick around?I had the news and i too had my doubts, until the day of my first scan. As i walked into the hospital butterflies flew around my tummy with feelings of the unknown. Then my name was called, i lay on the bed confidently yet jumped as they put the cold jelly onto my flat stomach, my hardly noticeable pregnant belly.
 "Hmmmm," the nurse said, as she pushed the apparatus hard onto my stomach.

    I wondered does she know I'm pregnant? Maybe I'm in the wrong room? Surely her brute and careless pushing wasn't allowed if there's a baby inside there? I started to worry as her face looked confused, i felt sick i wanted to cry, i panicked and hoped that everything was ok, all in the silence of this dark room. Then in a chirpy voice. "Well, there's more than one in there," i quickly replied, more than one what?
 She looked at me with a warming smile, I felt dizzy, and then i remember the sound of soft voice calling my name, as i came around from fainting.

     Im fine.... i said i just want to know what u meant?

 "Your having twins young lady." So i said it out loud. "Im having twins!"

This blog is about my journey as a parent bringing up my twins, Niel and Nia-Mae Wynters also known as the, "Win Twins."