A tribute to grandad

     With Christmas approaching and memories arising, i feel the need to express my deep love and affection for my dad who sadly died of cancer, and will be missed again this year. My dad was a warm loving and funny man. Even wrapped up in a mood i could never hide my smiles and laughter when he would tell me a joke or just pull a funny face.

     I remember the day he told me he was sick, we were sitting in mum and dads bedroom lying on the bed having Saturday cuddles which was a regular occurrence. He looked at me and i smiled, then he turned away and put his head down, he looked distraught. I had never saw this before. He smiled at me again the room was silent, and he said "I'm not very well," and i said i knew. He said "but i don't know if I'm going be here for much longer." I felt sick, i immediately shot up and started crying. He wiped my tears and said he was only joking, but my pounding heart knew he wasn't. He had never lied to me, so why would he now?
He was diagnosed with lung cancer, as a last chance of life he decided to fly America to receive the best possible treatment. The decision was quick and i didn't really know what to do. I just kind of hoped things were gonna be alright.

     The next few weeks before his departure i started to feel hopeless. We were soon making visits to a nursing home where i watching the best person in my life vomit green poison. He was so weak and embarrassed of me being there, he would hardly lift his head. I didn't understand, i somehow fooled myself into believing that the poison that was coming out couldn't be a bad thing.

      My auntie from America soon arrived with this look on her face, it was serious and it was confused and it never stopped. The next day we all went to the airport to say goodbye. My mum wouldn't stop touching my dads face. Although they were always affectionate and loving towards each other openly, the usuall feelings of jealousy I used to feel as a child, when my dads attention was on her disappeared. He held her hand tight as he sat in the wheelchair, i just kept praying she wouldn't let go. Just don't let go.
We went home and as strangely as it may seem, my mom just carried on as normal. She worked every hour god sent, I went to school and i came home.

      Then one evening she sat me down and said we needed to go to America now. I thought why? Though i didn't ask any questions, I saw the pain in her eyes and i just said ok. We went to America within the next couple of days. We sat right at the back of the plane as they were the last seats, we stopped off in Germany as that was the only flight available.
I didn't complain once, nor me or mum had ever travelled without my father, but for the first time we built a strength that we could both share.

     As I entered my Aunts home in New Jersey there was a smell i cant explain, there was a nurse and my aunt just held me and wouldn't let go. My mother had already walked into the living room where he was being looked after. The nurse was sitting there and then all i remember was my mom coming back and saying i had to go and say hello. I didn't want to, I didn't understand and why did the room smell this way?
I went over and my handsome father, the man i adored and looked up to was so slim, i didn't want to touch his hand. He didn't even know who I was until my mother kept saying its Leona she's here. "Leonard its Leona she's here its ok." He suddenly realised and he took this gasp and sigh of relief, he smiled and grabbed my hand,  i was so frightened. Then there and then i knew where the smell was coming from, the aftershave on my mothers dressing table was the smell I knew and cherished. It had now been taken away by this rancid and stale stench. My heart sank with the realisation my father was dying.

      The day he passed we were shopping in a supermarket in America. My aunt received a call on her mobile, she grabbed my hand and we started running. My mom didn't utter a word. We drove back and we were told to go straight to the room he was staying in. The nurse left and my mum went in, I sat on the sofa outside and she came out and said it was time to say goodbye, he was waiting for me. I walked in and he told me he loved me and I said goodbye, his eyes closed and my mother screamed. I ran away crying and he was gone. The only comfort ill ever have was he was waited for me.

     The twins asked me a question not long ago, they wondered why they hadn't ever saw my dad, and questioned why they haven't got a grandad. I told them that sometimes God takes people to heaven because he needs some more angels. That even though he's not here everyday, he watches us and keeps us safe and blessed. I told my son that he looks just like him, and every time i feel sad that my dad isn't here,  that i feel blessed to have a son and a daughter that bring me the same joy he did.

     RIP Leonard Cleveland Vernon, My father. The love I have for you will never die, it only gets stronger as every year passes, it never gets easier to accept your not here.